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Satire: Hostage situation at Bedian Road Escalates

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Satire: Hostage situation at Bedian Road Escalates

Samah Akhtar

Breaking News: Bride holds bridesmaids and groom hostage at farmhouse on Bedian Road

You simply do not say no to the bride

Our correspondent in Lahore has confirmed news of a bride, Sundas Khaplu, holding her bridesmaids hostage at her farmhouse on Bedian Road. What started out as a dance practise has ended up in a tense hostage situation that the police are currently trying to bring to a peaceful end. The groom is also being held hostage as he allegedly refused to partake in the festivities stating that, ‘menu nachna onda nai.’

How dare you

Despite the police’s best efforts, contact with the perpetrator has not been established.

The police have had to resort to Khaplu’s twitter feed to stay updated with the current situation. Here is the latest tweet by Khaplu, ‘The bridesmaid and the groom are in no danger IF they learn all the dances in time for the upcoming Mehndi.’

After an in-depth analysis of Khaplu’s snapchat and Facebook feed by the police’s IT department, the police has learnt that Khaplu was getting quite frustrated with her dance entourage as of late; they only seemed to be interested in the lavish food that Khalpu’s mother prepared for them. Moreover, in one snapchat story, Khaplu rants about uninvited acquaintances showing up and using her place as a dating hub.

Let your inner Sheila shine

Presently, the police are tightening their perimeter around the farmhouse in preparation to bring an end to the hostile situation. The police has also issued a warning to the general public to be weary of such a situation arising elsewhere. To-be-brides have taken to twitter to speak up against Khaplu’s actions: stating that she’s giving brides all over a bad name. The government has also taken notice, recommending that a contract and non-disclosure agreement be signed by both parties (the bride and members of the dance entourage) to prevent such incidents in the future. One clause of the contract states: The groom has to presume responsibility for ‘mehendi dances’ as they now come under pre-marital duties.

Stay tuned as we bring you live updates from hostage situation at the farmhouse.


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