In a startling development, Pakistani feminists called a press conference at the Karachi Press Cult and admitted to being foreign agents.
The feminists said that they had been working against Pakistani values since the beginning of time. “We have always opposed patriarchy, gender inequality, violence against women, and keeping girls out of school. We have come to realize over thirty years that we have been going against the best interests of Pakistan. The nation will only become truly glorious when women stop fighting for their rights and accept that they are, in fact, inferior to men.”
When asked who was behind their movement, they said that they had been working at the behest of several nefarious foreign agencies, including the United Nations, the World Health Organization, UNICEF, and Amnesty International. “We have been paid billions of dollars to spread the message that a woman should be allowed to make decisions about her life. We havehereby donated all our earnings to the JUI-D.”
The feminists could be charged with sedition according to legal expert Ahmed A. Soori, of Soori & Soori LLP. “But they could get away with it if they plead insanity according to the Pakistani Lunacy Act of 1912, if they can get a psychiatrist to prove they are of ‘unsound mind’. That shouldn’t be too difficult in Pakistan; every woman is considered a lunatic at least once a month according to Pakistani law.”
No word as yet on whether the President of Pakistan will grant them clemency.