Disclaimer: The following is a work of satire, learn to take a joke. If this hurts your feelings, please don’t reach out to us. Dear Dad, I know you might be a little stressed out today, so I wanted to reach out. That toad really crossed the line you know, calling you and others names. Honestly, I think we should turn this selected thing to our advantage, you know like “Yess I am selected by the people” (and you ;]). Anyway, I’m sure you’ve got lot to deal with, I just wanted to ask, should I like give a speech or anything after that? I’ve heard that’s like what you’re supposed to do since they kinda basically called all of us hypocritical pieces of selected crap, anyways let me know. Love, The son you didn’t want to have