Disclaimer: The following is a work of satire. Take a joke, it won’t hurt. Dear Papa, How’s your blood pressure? Hope the luxe life of Avenfeild apartments is still keeping you cozy – like a three time Prime Minister of a third world country should be. I haven’t seen your brother so much by the way, he’s preoccupied eating Nihari all the time, I wish he had paid the same amount of attention to those underpass blueprints. Remember the man who used to be the president – can’t recall his name – but he’s nice, he brings us dhai bhallay every other day. I don’t know Papa, it’s not the same anymore, people aren’t super ready to expose themselves to a whole pandemic for us. I still don’t understand why we had to bring that diesel lover on board, I loathe him more than Khan honestly. He eats like a homeless guy, you know the ones right outside our house. The COVID-19 vaccines are coming to Pakistan soon, please send some kharcha before the next jalsa so I can get the entire team vacvinated. God knows we need it more that those healthcare workers with how many rallies we’re holding. We’ve even arranged for a ‘vaccination’ drive for the aam admi to help rally support for the cause – but that’s just saline so it isn’t that costly anyway. P.s Can we pin something on Sarfaraz? Regards, Maryam N Sharif