NEWS ALERT:

A city wide quarantine has been put into effect after a dangerous virus was accidentally released by an NGO that was operating underground- without the government’s blessing. The virus has been spreading like wildfire ever since it’s outbreak. The cavalry has been called in, to set a strict perimeter around the city with containers and electrical fences.

The orders are simple- no man in, no man out.

Source: The Quarantine

The centre for disease control has released a statement to brief the public about the epidemic. The virus seems to affect adults, though children do not seem to be susceptible to it. Clinical symptoms only manifest in males; women are symptomless carriers.

The virus shows immediate symptoms in the male host. There is a marked decrease in hostility and stubbornness. Men infected by the virus seem almost eager to perform household chores and babysitting duties. Moreover, psychologists have said that the men infected, have displayed a higher emotional quotient and are far more likely to form deeper emotional connections with family members and friends.

The virus is labelled the MANSA (Masculine Antidote Nips Sexist Attributes) virus

Source: Medical News Today

Footage of an infected man was uploaded on the dark web a few hours ago. It shows the man stating that he fully supports his wife’s decision to pursue her career. And in the meantime he would be a stay at home dad so their infant daughter doesn’t feel neglected. After release of the video, the authorities, have been in a frenzy to put a quick end to the escalating situation. PEMRA has closed all cellular networks and internet connections within the quarantine area. Moreover, it has restricted access of reporters to the area.

Videos detailing incidents of patriarchy and misogyny are being televised within the city to help counteract the effect of the virus.

Source: www.cartoonaday.com

The President of Pakistan came out of hiding on this occasion. He stated that such an outbreak threatened the fabric of a society that thrives on male dominance by keeping the female population in their place (i.e. the kitchen).

In other news, Imran Khan has filed a petition with the Supreme Court of Islamabad stating that the use of containers by the military is unjustified. Due to it being a symbol of his personal political campaign. Moreover, Khan stated he is in the process of having all containers patented in his name. The judge has advised Khan not to hold his breath.

Taking cue from Khan, the Sharif brothers are offering a supposed ‘cure’ to individuals who will vote for them in the upcoming election. However, it has now become known that the ‘Tabdeli serum‘ which was stolen from the PTI labs is completely ineffective.