Category: Satire
From our special Gender Correspondent  A group of religious scholars have issued a fatwa against women wearing leather jackets, after video emerged of a young female student activist chanting slogans while wearing a leather ...
Karachi, November 20: Pakistani women report feeling safer when attending a conference or speaking event in which all the panelists are male. At a recent panel at Mardangi University entitled “Mansplaining Feminism”, in which all ...
Famed actor, PTI celebrity supporter, confused and self proclaimed messiah, Hamza Ali Abaasi, taking que from Kanye West has bid farewell to acting in a video message. But into the 6th minute of the video, ...
The current chief selector and coach of Pakistan cricket team announced himself as the 12th man of the team for the second half of the Australian cricket series, in light of Pakistan’s dismal performance. Misbah claims heâs already the Coach and ...
In a startling development, Pakistani feminists called a press conference at the Karachi Press Cult and admitted to being foreign agents. The feminists said that they had been working against Pakistani values since the beginning ...
In an unprecedented move, a Pakistani man says he warmed up his own food for the first time in his life and says that he feels âliberated”. Owais Irfan, 38, from Lahore, says that he ...
After Shahbaz Sharif’s no show from almost everywhere that PML-N might have needed support, reports suggest that Shahbaz Sharif spine may still not be fixed (physically and morally). ProperGaanda has come to learn that it ...
Express Tribune after taking cue from other traditional media outlets and firing most of its journalists, are now making further in roads for expansion. One of them is hiring a fresh business school graduate, who ...
Ex-President Mamnoon Hussain, who was famously irrelevant in his time as the President of Pakistan, is reported to still be pretty much irrelevant. According to sources, he reminisces the time when at least he was ...
A Local Liberal Arts Student and part time Social Media Wokest Person Alive sent out an array of tweets describing her shock at the Azaadi March, when she saw there were only men with sticks ...
Ali Zar Chusu, a recent LUMS graduate and a part-time shoda has been reported to mention “LUMS” 20 times when talking to a girl at a birthday of his friend’s friend at Bedian.”I really don’t ...
The man who preferred to remain anonymous but yet conveniently shared his picture reportedly still believes Lahore School of Economics (also dubbed as Lahore School for Everyone by some) gave him stellar education. While talking ...
After the Government, the armed forces and basically most of Maulana’s friend gave him a shutup a call on his planned halloween party, Maulana got another bad news today. His Doctor diagnosed him with Tinkafitus, ...
30 year old social media page admin of âPakistan is the best!â after 7 years, still thinks itâs a viable business! Heâs gone to extreme lengths for people to take him seriously. He reportedly has growing ...
Another survey done on yet another random Internet page reports; Pakistani Men enjoy porn much more than Item numbers and surprisingly it doesn’t piss them off. The result comes in at a time when nation is ...
A few days ago Dawn News took down the article talking about Jamiâs rape accusation against a big media tycoon (Hint Hint: heâs related to Dawn). After lot of hue and cry, Dawn News and ...
As the economic crises grows, Pakistani Prime Minister has appealed to Pakistani expats and anyone with money to basically think of Pakistan as charity box where you can put all your charity in. In an ...
Pakistanis, in large numbers, rushed to their lawyers offices’ with their Canadian Immigration Applications as they heard about Trudeauâs win. âMy lawyer kept on telling me that Trudeau might not win so apply quickly but ...
The current chief selector and coach of Pakistan cricket team, for the sake of doing something even more radical for the upcoming Australian cricket series announced himself as the 12th man of the team. Misbah ...
Note from author: The following is a mediocre yet tolerable work of fiction. Hurt feelings will not be entertained. The royal couple was seen kicking back with a glass of wine on the British airliner ...
Editors Note: This article is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke – literally. ‘The Nation’ which is one of Pakistan’s oldest running news paper has evolved quite a bit over the past ...
The Aurat Card just won’t cut it anymore. There’s a new player on the scene.
A surprising turn of events showed that Ariel really cannot clean stains! Bisma Maroof, Pakistan’s Cricket team captain, had to miss the latest match because she was too busy trying to get the stain out ...
After many matches ended with the rain as the sole victor, the ICC convened an emergency meeting and declared the following: the trophy will be awarded to the rain, for its consistent performance, in contrast ...
In a surprising turn of events, Faisal Vawda has finally done something of significance. On a talk show today, Faisal Vawda decided to stop hiding behind his plastered mask and revealed his turn identity-THE JOKER. ...
After retirement from the Information Ministry, Fawad Chaudry as Federal Minister for science and technology has already introduced a website and a mobile app, and now their latest invention Rate An Imam! Rate an Imam, ...
Ahead of the nail biter between India and Pakistan, the tickets for the much anticipated clash has been sold out. Abhinandan the famous chai drinking Indian Airforce Pilot – who crashed inside Pakistan while trying ...
Adviser to the Prime Minister on Finance, Hafeez Shaikh, on Saturday said that the International Monetary Fund (IMF) loan programme that Pakistan has entered into is going to cost less than most people expected. The ...
If you hadnât heard, offshore drilling at the Kekra-1 site near Karachi has found no reserves of oil and gas, according to an official of the Petroleum Division. This was a big disappointment for the ...
Your Horoscope is the mirror to your lifeâs past, present and future. It helps decipher challenges, unlock opportunities and reveal mysteries that is blocking your way to success and peace. Know your Horoscope to be ...
The end of an era has come, and people are not ready for it. And luckily for us, the government of Pakistan is ready to handle it. All emergency services have been put on high ...
A recent study done by an online portal recentstudiesfindingjackshit.com, found that both the demand and supply of memes have increased exponentially over the last two years. One of the reasons is shear rise in stupidity and idiocaracy on the part of everyone in the country! “Khadim Rizvi and Faisal Vawda both played ...
As you all probably know, the International Monetary Fund is bailing Pakistan about of a tough situation. IMF, our savior once again, has decided to be generous enough to give a $6 bailout package, to ...
Asad Umar seems like heâs here to stay. He has landed his first leading role as the âChairmanâ in the movie, âNational Assemblyâs Standing Committee-Finance editionâ. Production is set to begin any day now, with ...
After reminding everyone that it was SUPARCO that sent the Hubble to the moon, Fawad Chaudhry cannot wait to be the second Muslim to go to the moon, after Neil Armstrong. Fawad Chaudhry, Pakistan’s Federal ...
Part time minister and part time showman Faisal Vawda unexpectedly called the media on Sunday morning to announce he will be standing guard outside a local PSO pump. âI love Pakistan, and I love these ...
DG ISPR Asim Ghafoor called on the major news publications today to thank them for being âSo Understandingâ in these times of crisis, shared the DG ISPR via twitter. While talking to media later, Asim ...
Last week in an interview with Shahzaib Khanzada, Ali Zafar, who wants everyone to know he has worked with ‘beautiful Bollywood actress’, got very emotional when the issue of his alleged inappropriate behaviour with women ...
On Monday evening, a structure older than all your grannies and grandpas combined caught fire while the super expensive 163 million dollar renovations were taking place! Yikes. The building was none other than Notre-Dame: an ...
With the upward revision in the threat level posed by India on the back of intelligence reports of another attack being planned against Pakistan, the Army has announced the construction of five new DHAs in ...
How do you imagine the proceedings of science summits to take place? You would probably visualize getting caught into realms of a progressive science world and familiarizing yourself with the new technological advancements and scientific ...
Suleman woke up at 8 am to the usual loud bell by ‘Baji Rakshanda’, the house maid. As Suleman cursed the maid and gasped his first yawn, something dawned on him: it was 2019! A ...
As a group of men armed with wooden sticks (and one sword) fight for their right to create chaos and bring the country to a stand still, the government has decided to send a strong ...
While Malik Riaz deliberates over paying a PKR 1 billion fine or otherwise building an entire dam complete with a mall, green valley and mosque, our CJP has made an equally ambitious statement. Breaking headlines ...
This is a Public Message: Beware of the âsexist carcinogensâ trying to invade our Islamic society and threaten our Pakistani culture! In an act of brave defiance against this new force of evil NUST has ...
In the wee hours of the morning, Prime Minister Imran Khan was rushed to the nearest hospital via a helicopter. Rest assured, Fawad Chaurdhary – a man known to stick to his word through thick and ...
Lahore: On Thursday night, when Shaani called Maani, two residents and friends from Old Lahore, they decided to go out and have dinner. As always both friends expected dinner to end with a discussion on ...
As Khan gears up to take the oath of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan, he has called on his party and the nation to throw away ‘Purani Jhandiyan’ and buy new ones with better graphics ...
New York: Islamophobia never really finished, but in the words of Kumail Nanjani âitâs really having a moment right nowâ. While people are protesting and fighting the racists left, right and center, there is a ...
While Imran Khan is yet to be officially sworn in as Prime Minister of Pakistan, the rumours coming out of Party (G)HQ are that Khan is thinking of taking Hamza Ali Abassi with him on ...
While many rejoiced over Imran Khan’s victory as Pakistan’s new PM, the celebrations halted for some. Thursday morning, when the youngsters and bikers of Pindi also known as “Pindi Boyz” woke up, they were happy to ...
It is the third day following the Avenfield verdict. Imran Khan and his fans are riding an endless endorphin high. A strange aura of unreality interspersed with vibrating jubilance permeates the air. It is Sunday, ...
Last Sunday, Sheikh Rasheed pulled off another stunt in Lal Haveli The Awaami Muslim League party president, also known as the party that is always running with the tide, was seen wheeling his way through the ...
Pharmaceutical agencies nationwide faced a sticky situation today as representatives staged a walk-out at the annual board meeting. This was in response to Fair&Lovely’s new reveal: multivitamin capsules for skin whitening. An insider source told ...
Last Saturday, the Chief Justice, while being chauffeured to the supreme court in his people’s mobile – a bullet proof Mercedes – was held up due to the road block caused by the Pashtun March. ...
In a rare display of bipartisan support for legislation, the Parliament has voted to amend the Pakistan Penal Code (PPC) to add a new defense for criminal and civil charges, which will appear alongside the ...
Former member of the National Assembly, MQM leader, TV anchor and current member of the Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaaf opened up about his one week stint at a spiritual retreat in an exclusive interview with ProperGaanda. âEver ...
Like an older, wiser desi aunty, she observed objectively. âHmmm. handsome boy. Bit flustered but composed. Heâll be a good groom.â She thought to herself from the vantage point of a few feet above the ...
March 19, 2018, the political world was in uproar as Amir Liaquat joined PTI. No. This is not fake news. Even though most of us wish it was. But Imran warmly welcomed Amir into his ...
Citizens have been in a frenzy ever since local psychic, Tania, predicted that the future looks very bleak for Pakistan in 2075. In an exclusive interview with ProperGaanda, Tania stated that the fault lies with ...
âŠand the saga continues! After being ousted a few weeks ago, former Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif is once again in the midst of another controversy. This time itâs a battle of fruits. The honorable Supreme ...
Overview Up there with Dengue and intense PMS, Singlewomanitis is an illness no Pakistani parent wants their daughter to suffer from. The Mad Cow of the human world, Singlewomanitis can range from mild to severe. ...
The Chief Justice of Pakistan, Mian Saqib Nisar held a press conference today, asking for Dawnâs clarification on misreporting his coatâs brand. The clarification the Chief Justice demands is of a news report in Dawn ...
Last week, Ex-prime Minister, Mr. Nawaz Sharif addressed party members and workers at Gaddafi Stadium in Lahore. As he approached the stage a stick could be seen in his hand while he walked with a limp. ...
A local debater from Defence Housing Authority recently confessed to a biting truth – He hasnât won a single argument with his parent since the day he was conceived. Ali Aslam apart from having two ...
More than a week ago, Kim Kardashian West visited Pakistan with her rapper husband, Kanye West. They had been planning to go to some exotic land for a coupleâs retreat but couldnât decide the destination. ...
NEWS ALERT: A city wide quarantine has been put into effect after a dangerous virus was accidentally released by an NGO that was operating underground- without the governmentâs blessing. The virus has been spreading like wildfire ...
News Alert: The government has announced that it will release the Bridal Brigade Task Force (BBTF) in case negotiations with the protestors holding Liberty Bazaar captive go south. To learn more about the story keep ...
Breaking News: Bride holds bridesmaids and groom hostage at farmhouse on Bedian Road Our correspondent in Lahore has confirmed news of a bride, Sundas Khaplu, holding her bridesmaids hostage at her farmhouse on Bedian Road. What ...
The following is a conversation that took place between âTawa Jeeâ and âFrypan Bibiâ in Pinky babyâs kitchen which resulted in their fallout. Tawa Jee: âFrypan Bibi, you must be extremely exhausted from all the ...
While many rejoiced over the news of load-shedding finishing, a local man in Lahore wasnât all that happy. He supposedly is one of many to have requested Pemra to disallow the news to be delivered ...
Yesterday, the TLYRA started a protest outside a local hospital in Lahore, demanding the Health Minister’s resignation. The protestors emerged after a news release about a new born failed to confirm the finality of Prophet ...
Dear Dairy, Itâs been xyz days since I was stripped of my Prime Minister title. Iâm no more the Premier, but a man who watches movie premiers from time to time. Unfortunately, I donât get ...
Last night in a high-profile meeting at Bani Gala, Imran Khan, the supreme leader of Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf asked his party workers to address him as âPrime Minsterâ. Imran khan arrived at the decision supposedly after ...
In an unforeseeable turn of events, a local lahori, Salman Hambal refused to snapchat footage of an accident in DHA phase 27. Passersby were outright enraged by this non-chivalrous display. Police Officer, Inspector Saab, had to step in ...
Sharmeen Obaidâs latest tweets resulted in a doctor from Karachiâs prestigious hospital getting fired. This incident took the Pakistani cyber-space by surprise and also started a chain of awkward âhmmm okayâ reactions. A young nurse ...
A Lahore based writer has gone into depression because she couldnât find the 9th point for her listicle. Â The incident happened when she was completing her listicle â9 things the colour of your poop can ...
There is talk of a second Cold War. The US is not worried about Houston anymore; we are hearing news of a special conference being held at the Oval Office right this hour. The all-important ...
Speaking to journalists at a press conference outside Larkana, Pakistan Peopleâs Party (PPP) chairman, Bilawal Bhutto announced that after long and protracted negotiations with Asif Ali Zardari he had received permission to attend his childhood ...
Hi, Iâm Tommy. You know, âTommyâ. From âHumara kuta Kuta, aur tumhara kuta Tommyâ. I am what every dog dreams to be – I am a rich manâs dog. I am not like you regular ...
It all starts from the shoes. It has to. They have been run ragged, scampering from floor to floor, pressed under the burden of massive, rotting, fly-stained files. Each time the wearer presents a new ...
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