Yesterday, the TLYRA started a protest outside a local hospital in Lahore, demanding the Health Minister’s resignation. The protestors emerged after a news release about a new born failed to confirm the finality of Prophet (P.B.U.H). The eye witness, a heroin addict who was visiting the hospital last night due to a drug overdose, verified the incident.

Just yesterday, the protest seemed like a gathering of 10 people who seemed to be bored with their hum-drum lives. Presently, the protest is 250 people strong and growing angrier by the minute as nobody is giving heed to their demands. The Health Minister who initially thought this was a joke, has come out and declared his love for the Prophet (P.B.U.H) and said that he would lay down his life if intended. Though he also said that the issue they are protesting about does not make sense. How can a new born baby confirm or deny the finality of Prophet?

A question to which Hamza Ali Abbasi – TV personality and part time moral police – responded by claiming is a sensitive issue which we shouldn’t talk about.

Imran Khan, after observing a sharp increase in the number of protestors, has stated that he too supports the movement and immediately asked for the Prime Minister’s resignation-although that is not what the protestors are demanding.

The Chief Minister Shabhaz Sharif, after hearing of the incident headed directly to the ousted prime minster Nawaz Sharif for advise but according to sources the latter took most of the time asking his brother, ‘Mujhay kuen nikala?’

The Lahore High Court has declared the sit-in, which demands the Health Minister’s resignation and the child’s arrest, a “terrorist sit-in”. They given the government a deadline of 24 hours to resolve the matter. The government in response, has sought help from the Army. Who in turn suggested via a tweet, to deal with this matter peacefully.

Our sources have been told that the Army and the Government are mediating the following deal with TLYRA:

1.) Resignation of the Health Minister

2.) The protestors each get Rs. 1000 and a paratha roll to end the protest

There are rumours that the Health Minister might even do a chicken dance to please the protestors (a dance that commonly demands one to bend over and hold their ears.)